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Repressed lunch memories

When I was a wee boy, before I started school, there were no other kids in the neighborhood my age. Everyday my mom would stuff me into my undersized winter coat, buckle me into the back seat, and force me to go to every shopping mall on Long Island with her. In 1966, malls were at the apogee of their post-war suburban glory.

Mom was thrifty, so she would shop for hours and never, ever buy anything. This was brutal on a precocious, hyper-intelligent child like myself. You can only pull boogies out of your nose and flirt with the pretty-smelling cash register ladies for so long before your patience wanes.

However, if I behaved myself, mom would buy me a hot dog for lunch. And if was a really good boy and I didn’t smear snot all over my face, she’d buy me a Match Box car too, but that was rare because—even back then—my nose was large and hard to manage.

These days, when the Battle Ax forces me to go to the mall with her on the weekends, I always bring my Kindle. I’m content to camp-out in the asshole chair, read, and drink coffee. When I look up and see her approaching, beaming with swollen shopping bags, I immediately crave a hotdog, and I instinctively check the tip of my index finger.

Did you notice how I used the word apogee in the first paragraph? How pretentious.

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F Banger on :

You also used the word 'boogies' in the next paragraph so it's a wash, maybe even stepping into the negative territory. Definitely a word that will not get you a Pulitzer.

Bruce from LI on :

1966 - there seat belts in the backseat? Another delusional entry, Ricky. It sounds more like episode 33 when Elroy and Astro were whirling to HotDograma while Jane was clothes shopping. Man, come back to reality!

F Banger Jr. (aka BALLZ!) on :

So i'm sitting here taking a few puffs off my nebulizer and realized I will surpressing memories of this blog. Hopefully this albuterol will do the trick, if not I may have to raid my daddy's sock drawer. Last thing I need are these memories flaring up in twenty years and while i'm trying to get to third base with my girlfriend.

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